Confusion? Understanding? Perhaps. Trust? Always.

What do you say when you have no idea? Mixed emotions seem like such a paradox, for surely the singlety and sincerity of each emotion contains enough clamour and thought that nothing else could share that same spotlight. Ironically, at this very moment I feel joyful, downcast, lonely, surrounded and utterly confused. Maybe that's it - confusion. Maybe having mixed emotions is an impossibility, and all these feelings are grouped together under one heading - plain confusion. But then, that begs the question, how can one emotion contain so many conflicting feelings and thoughts?
It's said that love is the strongest emotion - perhaps it is, for it is pure. But surely being confused has the power to overcome the mind and sink its host under a burden they are purposed to bear and yet cannot in such a state of mental, emotional and spiritual disarray. I touch on spiritual because it begins and it concludes, and therefore must be relative to everything in between. Is confusion a spiritual, mental or emotional reality? Or does our confusion stem from a lack of spiritual discernment? I do not know. I simply don't know. See - experience. How ironic, confusion over confusion. Entering from a logical mentality, shouldn't experience of confusion guard in some form against further confusion? But no-one ever ceases to be confused about some such matter on Earth. Or do they? Perhaps Solomon; but none shall ever be as great as he in wisdom.
So where does that leave a mortal 16-year-old schoolgirl? Am I destined for a life of confusion? Will I be able to understand things progressively or not at all? Am I my context? Do I suffer from the bitter but relative and then grateful blow of a modernist society? Am I indiviual? I don't know.
Maybe it's a lesson; a challenge of trust. Maybe it's not about understanding, maybe it's about faith; believing in the unseen. I don't know, but I trust that, one day, I will. And I will wait, taking each new step as every day arises at the command of the great I Am.